TUESDAY– As 6th period started to come to an end, the PA system announced that students located in the main building were free to leave due to…something happening? It would be later found out that the power went out in the building, causing absolutely no physical harm to the student population available. Even though there were no risks involved with the lack of lights, school staff and admin argued otherwise.

“We were worried that the students would all sporadically fall asleep once the lights went out,” an admin said to me.“Like parakeets when you put a rag over the cage.”

When asked about the natural light that floods in from the giant gothic windows, school security argued that the students would get sunburnt.

“Why do you think we have blinds on all the windows? The students at this school could get burns, and we don’t have the money for that kind of lawsuit.”

School financial advisor also commented on the evacuation. “Look, we don’t pay for teacher supplies so they do all their work digitally, how can we possibly teach if we don’t have markers?”

When I asked about just paying for teacher’s supplies, I was promptly ushered out of the office.

“I didn’t even wanna teach if I’m being honest,” one math teacher told me, “so the evacuation was much necessary because I was getting tired of those little *&!@ sophomores.”

*Editor’s Note: the preceding is satire. Blue Tide staff takes no responsibility for misconstrued intent.